I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
