Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
