oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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