i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
