We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
