things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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