This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
