Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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