Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
