if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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