she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
