Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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