Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
