I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
