Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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