she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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