Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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