Yo dont text me then not text me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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