i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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