bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
