this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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