; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
