I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
