You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
