Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
