I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
