He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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