Betty ford says i'm here all night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
