Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
