i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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