i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
