I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
