Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
