You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
how does that bad decision feel?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
