lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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