So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
