there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
