RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
