fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
