you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
