her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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