Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
