did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
