im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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