Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
