so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO