What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.