Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave