hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus