i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?