Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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