if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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