perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
