I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize