Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.