Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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