You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Houston, we have a squirter
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it