Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type