Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
