I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
