Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
