my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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