This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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