Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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