Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You ate ashes out of my bong
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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