That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
