Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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