Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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