Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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