2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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