That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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