dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
