no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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