i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
