I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
